A Step Back to an Odd Dichotomy

I am going to go a little more personal on this one. I’ve been noticing a funny difference in the way my work affects me vs. the way I would think that it would. First a little history that sets the idea. I am a person who truly enjoys things that force me to slow down. What I mean is that I like things that take time. Not all the time but it can very relaxing and can help quite, what I consider to be, my very active mind.

One example of this is something I bought for myself a number of years ago. It is an old style pen set. The kind of pen set that requires you to have a bottle of ink that you have to occasionally dip the pen into. Other than what you have to do while writing, the set up is very helpful since there is so much I have to do to get ready to write. I have an older style leather bound journal and I have recently thought about writing a couple of letters with it so I can get to my “happy place”. I love the idea of slowing down time. The idea of having to take time to do multiple steps. I hope that paints the picture that I want.

So now to work. At my job I put things on shelves. I actually put things on shelves that you might buy. It has more of a process than you might think. Or at least I see more of a process. The idea of finding what you have to put up. The opening of the box. The placing of the items on the shelf. In my mind there is a wonderful process to it.

With that then you would think that I would love my job but I don’t. There are many reasons why I don’t and you would think that many of them would be placated by the idea of a very process heavy job. It isn’t. I think because I am not really able to enjoy the process. The job I have is very time sensitive. I am not able to take the time to revel in the process. I am not one that minds being in a rush. I have had to be many times. I have even been able to revel in a process while being rushed while doing sound. I think the difference here is that I still have many questions to be answered. I have been at this job for 4 months and I still don’t know everything I need to do the job well. And I think that is where it truly lies. If I knew more I might even be able to revel in the process of my job.

I mean I have enough knowledge of sound that the differences and changes in my process are only because each situation is different. I feel good about those times because I know enough to change what I’m doing. Why I can’t stand the changes to my process at my work putting up stock is that they are controlled by the fact that I still don’t know enough. It is more controlled from outside than inside my head. It is controlled from people walking up to me and saying, “You shouldn’t do that like that. Here’s how you should do that.” I am thankful for the help but it does screw up my process. It is also a little annoying especially when someone tells you that you have to come up with your own process. But that is what we sometimes have to put up with isn’t it. And I thank you for staying with me this far. I fear I got a bit rambly and a bit non-cohesive but that seems to be part of my style on these personal things. Thanks for reading.

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What’s driving you?

After last week I’ve been thinking a little bit more about what drives me. It started because I was thinking about a kind of morbid idea. I was thinking about would I be happy with the life I left behind. I mean that am I anywhere near where I want to be in my life. If it were to end tomorrow would people say that he did a lot with his life. To be honest, no. I am partially where I wanted to be. I have a wife and we are still very much in love. Hell that is a lot further than I thought I would be at this point.

I was one of those guys that thought I would be alone for my life. An odd thing to think of while you are dating someone. But that is another story. Back to my original point there are a lot of things that I want to try and do with my life. I know that’s the rote idea and that there are so many people like that out there. But I am very restless. I am not mentally stimulated by my current job and that kills me. Actually, worded better what it does is severely depresses me. I want to be mentally stimulated by any work I do. But it is at war with what we all want to be able to do.

My want for mental stimulation with work is very much at war with the need to take care of my family. At the moment I am just taking care of my wife but eventually we want to have children so the idea of having to get a job that pays enough to be able to take care of my family is a high priority. But I made it more difficult for myself to do that because I didn’t finish college. I had many issues with the school I was going to so I decided to leave. Again I won’t go into that now but suffice it to say that I have made it a hundred times harder on myself. So now I am driven by the want to satisfy both requirements for me.

Sadly at the moment I am unable to do either. I have a job but it is does not go far enough so I am trying to make my own work. On the mental stimulation idea I compensate for that by listening to podcasts. But these things are not enough and I am wanting so much more out of life. I will create my own work and my own way of things. I am not sure this actually answered my original question for myself but I am really enjoying the direct from my head way of writing these personal things. I am still looking for topics to talk about. Thank you again for reading.

A whole new direction

I know that I haven’t been on in  a very long time (under internet time) and that is because life, in various forms, has gotten in the way. For one I now have a job. It is not a great job and like most I don’t like what I am doing. This new job, though crappy, has put it back in my head that I really need to stop dreaming and get working on my career. After much thought I have decided to work on my writing. It is something that I enjoy and is solitary enough to be consistently fun. So I am going to take this blog and turn it into more of a weekly opinion blog. I don’t plan on having a major subject other than what I feel effects us as humans. Again trying to keep in with the original title of “A Human’s Revolution”. I will post one day every week with occasional things added as needed. The plan is to start next Monday with the first topic. I will not post any other time than 9:15 in the evening. Thank you for sticking with me. Lets hope this is a start to a long great career.

Jobs We Create For Ourselves

I keep trying to think of ways of getting work or at least things I can do to make money to survive. I keep trying to figure out a way of making use of the interesting ideas, the drives that I have and the skills that I have. I’ve talked about the fact that I am a sound engineer (I think). I am very much a person that has an imagination so I can come up with some really odd ideas. People have in fact called me insane (not just for the ideas but that’s another story). I am not sure how much of that is affected by the fact that I don’t completely like simplicity. There are times when things being simple is good. Going to the store for instance. I’m not talking about those times. I am again referring to the search for answers but not necessarily for personal answers. I am talking about the only way that you can gain answers or knowledge, by asking questions. I tend to have a lot of questions. To gain the answers I watch as many different programs as I can. I read what I can find on any subject (of course with the internet finding reliable sources can take as long as reading the actual articles). I want to learn all I can about any subject (whether it be about a person, a topic, or a concept).

I’ve thought about how I could actually do something with that drive. I keep wanting to try and make a podcast or internet radio show  where I can interview people I find fascinating or subjects that I want to learn about. I love this idea and I have thought about trying to see how I might be able to get funding. There are a couple of websites where you can put an idea up and see if there is anybody willing to help you with it. That seems simple enough but as most know things are very rarely ever that simple.

The things about this is that make it complex are many. I am not going to go into all of them but here are just a few explained. One is the idea of finding an audience. In just trying to understand how the human mind works I have seen article after article that says that most people are not willing to watch or listen to anything over two hours or so. The reason that could be a problem is that I don’t want to put a time limit on any discussion that I would have for the show. I realize that I could take the longer “raw” version and knock of the edges to fit a certain length then put the full raw version out there for whoever wants it which might be a good compromise. But even that idea may be hard to sell to companies that may want to sponsor the show. Then of course what I consider to be the biggest issue is that I live in a small town in Kentucky. How the hell would I be able to get access to any of the people that I want to talk too. I consider these kind of things as mental exercise. I like doing them so I may discuss this more in future writings. Cover more of the wants and ideas for it. Maybe I can figure out how to make it happen along the way. Please tell me what you think. I really want input on this one.

Thank you for your time.

On Work

This is kind of a addition to that last post (Hate to Admit). I realize that menial are not really jobs that anybody enjoys having but I would be willing to work my ass off if I had one. Jobs now a days seem to be more about survival more than about enjoyment. I think everyone has there dream job. I actually have a couple of dream jobs. I’ve really been considering the things I want to do for a career especially since I am not getting work currently more than the occasional odd job. I have been working as a sound engineer for the last 4 years but I haven’t been able to get enough work to pay the bills. I love being a sound engineer and I wish I could get on as a front of house sound engineer for a band but I am noticing I am going to have to move from my current location to make that easier.

I’ve even thought about trying to become a writer. I am not sure what I would write about. I mean I’ve been able to make some decent posts about music before and I do ok at writing these posts but I am not sure I could be a journalist. I have started to work on a Sci-fi book. I find it easier to write because I am not as worried about someone reading it so quickly. I have the ability to edit it more before someone sees it. I am actually excited about writing my book. I am still doing a bit of research and organizing of thoughts. I am not really sure how it will turn out but I hope its good. I’m not sure if either of these jobs will actually comes to pass but it is good to dream at times. I am in a little bit of a better place right now even though I’ve had an issue recently so I was just thinking about where I would like to go.

Thank you for your time.

Hate to admit

This ones gonna be a bit more of a rant. I’ve been dealing with something for a while and I finally think I want to put it down on paper. How this starts is by a question.

How the hell don’t I have a job?

I don’t like making it seem that I have a huge ego or that I think I am better than people but there are times I have to question that. I am getting very tired of seeing people who don’t want to do the work having the job. They do not want to do the things that are required by the job. The things that they are being paid to do. In example: Someone who is supposed to clean a building that tries to do anything he can to keep from doing it. I am tired of being out of work and seeing other people getting paid to do as little work as they can. I am willing to work my ass off for who ever wants me to. I am willing to do the best job I can but I can’t seem to get even an interview. I am tired of not being able to pay my bills because I can’t find work and I am tired of watching people who won’t work as hard as I will having jobs. Rant over.

Thank you for your time.