A New Type of Funding

As I research a way to get my own ideas to come from my head and into reality, I keep running into the idea of funding. Well I can’t say I keep running into it as it is a constant spectre that reminds me of the difficulty of taking on such life changing ideas. I mean that keep running into the areas where it is the biggest issue. From equipment, to travel, to the cost that I will have to brunt in my own life as the ideas I have are so large and difficult to do against a second job. So I have been looking for a way to fund a couple of my ideas.

My search has brought me to that mecca of public funding, Kickstarter. There is something very right with what Kickstarter (and other websites like it) is trying to do. Bringing people wanting to fund projects that they like with the projects needing funding is not really a new idea but just the ease at which everyday people can do is new. I mean when was the last time that you could help fund a major motion picture.

The wide variety of projects that you find that actually made it to their “fully funded” point shows that there are a lot of people willing to help. And many of those have even gone further than the original asking price. The only problem that I have with Kickstarter is that they are an all or nothing operation. I do think that with at least half of the asking price that someone could find other means of funding. That being said, from the perspective of a person who intends to avail myself of their services, it is a good idea to be able to test an idea before you get too far into it.

What I mean is, I can see how many people would be willing to listen to my idea for a podcast by seeing how many are willing to help finance it. I know that there is a step back as there are some that are willing to listen but not donate. Look at the funding for NPR as a good example. But if you have many people willing to put forth a little money they are also willing to help promote by telling people. I still think that word of mouth is still the best way to promote something at first while you build up your audience. People trust friends and family more than they do advertisers.

I can’t think of much more to say about Kickstarter at this moment and I think that it is better to go and see for yourself. So click here and gain your own opinion. And maybe help out some startup that you think will help change the world for the better. Thank you as always for reading. See you next week. And I will keep you apprised of my try.

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What’s driving you?

After last week I’ve been thinking a little bit more about what drives me. It started because I was thinking about a kind of morbid idea. I was thinking about would I be happy with the life I left behind. I mean that am I anywhere near where I want to be in my life. If it were to end tomorrow would people say that he did a lot with his life. To be honest, no. I am partially where I wanted to be. I have a wife and we are still very much in love. Hell that is a lot further than I thought I would be at this point.

I was one of those guys that thought I would be alone for my life. An odd thing to think of while you are dating someone. But that is another story. Back to my original point there are a lot of things that I want to try and do with my life. I know that’s the rote idea and that there are so many people like that out there. But I am very restless. I am not mentally stimulated by my current job and that kills me. Actually, worded better what it does is severely depresses me. I want to be mentally stimulated by any work I do. But it is at war with what we all want to be able to do.

My want for mental stimulation with work is very much at war with the need to take care of my family. At the moment I am just taking care of my wife but eventually we want to have children so the idea of having to get a job that pays enough to be able to take care of my family is a high priority. But I made it more difficult for myself to do that because I didn’t finish college. I had many issues with the school I was going to so I decided to leave. Again I won’t go into that now but suffice it to say that I have made it a hundred times harder on myself. So now I am driven by the want to satisfy both requirements for me.

Sadly at the moment I am unable to do either. I have a job but it is does not go far enough so I am trying to make my own work. On the mental stimulation idea I compensate for that by listening to podcasts. But these things are not enough and I am wanting so much more out of life. I will create my own work and my own way of things. I am not sure this actually answered my original question for myself but I am really enjoying the direct from my head way of writing these personal things. I am still looking for topics to talk about. Thank you again for reading.

Jobs We Create For Ourselves

I keep trying to think of ways of getting work or at least things I can do to make money to survive. I keep trying to figure out a way of making use of the interesting ideas, the drives that I have and the skills that I have. I’ve talked about the fact that I am a sound engineer (I think). I am very much a person that has an imagination so I can come up with some really odd ideas. People have in fact called me insane (not just for the ideas but that’s another story). I am not sure how much of that is affected by the fact that I don’t completely like simplicity. There are times when things being simple is good. Going to the store for instance. I’m not talking about those times. I am again referring to the search for answers but not necessarily for personal answers. I am talking about the only way that you can gain answers or knowledge, by asking questions. I tend to have a lot of questions. To gain the answers I watch as many different programs as I can. I read what I can find on any subject (of course with the internet finding reliable sources can take as long as reading the actual articles). I want to learn all I can about any subject (whether it be about a person, a topic, or a concept).

I’ve thought about how I could actually do something with that drive. I keep wanting to try and make a podcast or internet radio show  where I can interview people I find fascinating or subjects that I want to learn about. I love this idea and I have thought about trying to see how I might be able to get funding. There are a couple of websites where you can put an idea up and see if there is anybody willing to help you with it. That seems simple enough but as most know things are very rarely ever that simple.

The things about this is that make it complex are many. I am not going to go into all of them but here are just a few explained. One is the idea of finding an audience. In just trying to understand how the human mind works I have seen article after article that says that most people are not willing to watch or listen to anything over two hours or so. The reason that could be a problem is that I don’t want to put a time limit on any discussion that I would have for the show. I realize that I could take the longer “raw” version and knock of the edges to fit a certain length then put the full raw version out there for whoever wants it which might be a good compromise. But even that idea may be hard to sell to companies that may want to sponsor the show. Then of course what I consider to be the biggest issue is that I live in a small town in Kentucky. How the hell would I be able to get access to any of the people that I want to talk too. I consider these kind of things as mental exercise. I like doing them so I may discuss this more in future writings. Cover more of the wants and ideas for it. Maybe I can figure out how to make it happen along the way. Please tell me what you think. I really want input on this one.

Thank you for your time.

Hate to admit

This ones gonna be a bit more of a rant. I’ve been dealing with something for a while and I finally think I want to put it down on paper. How this starts is by a question.

How the hell don’t I have a job?

I don’t like making it seem that I have a huge ego or that I think I am better than people but there are times I have to question that. I am getting very tired of seeing people who don’t want to do the work having the job. They do not want to do the things that are required by the job. The things that they are being paid to do. In example: Someone who is supposed to clean a building that tries to do anything he can to keep from doing it. I am tired of being out of work and seeing other people getting paid to do as little work as they can. I am willing to work my ass off for who ever wants me to. I am willing to do the best job I can but I can’t seem to get even an interview. I am tired of not being able to pay my bills because I can’t find work and I am tired of watching people who won’t work as hard as I will having jobs. Rant over.

Thank you for your time.

Restate for me

I am breaking away from the topics from the last couple of posts (Music Soothes & A Representation) to kind of restate my intent. This is for me at the moment because I catch myself trying to do things in this blog that doesn’t have anything to do with my intent. I have a couple of times wanted to post a couple of pictures of Amy Lee. Why I am not really sure and the photos would have no purpose in what I am trying to do. Talking about Ms. Lee is fine considering she is a subject that gives me pause especially when it comes to how I feel about her. I am someone who is searching for answers and I am very much going to ask any question that I feel needs to be answered or any question that feels relevant. I am not above getting questions from the people who are reading this blog as someone from the outside may be able to see a question that I have not answered. Or they may be able to see something that I may want to take a deeper look at. So right now since I am looking for what she represents. Though (joking) if someone can help me start an e-mail friendship with her then I would be eternally grateful. Obviously show her this blog first but I would love that person forever.

Back to serious. I also feel in this section I should say that this blog is meant to be a stream of consciousness written blog. I am doing it that way so that I don’t have time to really worry about what I am saying. So at times it might be a bit hard to understand. The only time I go back and change anything is either if I have something to add or if I just go back and start all over again. With the fears that I have about being considered crazy I feel it is better to just put it down and let it be. So the way it reads is mostly the way it came out of my head.

I have recently used a couple of curse words and if they offend you I apologize but I will not change those words. As I said above I am letting this be written as it comes out of my head and at that moment those words were what I was thinking. Though you might be able to tell that I try not to be limited in the words I use but I will admit that I may look up a word to make sure I can spell it right. I would like participation even though this is meant to help myself. I at some point may get away for a post or two to make a comment on something else but I hope that it still has some relevance to what I am trying to do. I appreciate everyone who is reading this blog. You are helping in an odd round about way. Please feel free to comment.

Thank you for your time.

Fear can be powerful

My last post (Just get it over with) was really difficult to write. You don’t realize how much fear can hinder you until you run into it. In that post there is a lot of fear represented. There is a lot of the obvious things in there. I mean of course I was afraid of how my family would feel when they read the post. My family reads this blog and I worry about what their going to think about the things I reveal here. Rationally I don’t think that they will still not love me or feel any different about me. But, the fear driven side (the side I can’t seem to control very well) worries that my family will think I’m crazy or the won’t want to talk to me again. At least I think that they may change the way they treat me and start to distance themselves from me. But I think in many ways this is normal if you have views that are outside of what your family think (of course I am not a sociologist or psychologist so I am guessing).

The more interesting fears to deal with are the ones that come when in a bout of depression especially when involving the fantasies. When I felt that “closer connection” to Amy Lee one of the fears was am I doing the things that will get me to her. If you look at that the biggest issue is that I am more worried about trying to get to a woman who I don’t know nor have I ever met rather than trying to make my life better. There is the issue that I am waiting for something else to come into my life to make it better. But of course you are not thinking of that when it gets bad because you are grasping any straw that you can to help pull you out of that pit. It didn’t matter that I didn’t know how I was going to get to her. It mattered that she was waiting at the edge of the pit. It was a fake light at the end of a long mental tunnel.

The realization of that should be comforting but it brings up a few strange fears that I still deal with. You would think that if I have realized all that I have that I wouldn’t care or worry about how anything my life has to do with hers but there is a fear that if she ever learns about this it will be something that adds to a worry she has (rationally I don’t think she has anymore than any other public figure) about crazy fans. There is no rational reason to worry about that or even think that I would have that kind of power. It is something that I am very willingly trying to change. I have been told on many occasions that it is as simple as just changing your thinking but I find that to be untrue for me.

Lastly there is one fear that I have that I think is more rational it is just at the moment applied to an irrational place. I am worried if I can truly judge people correctly. It is manifesting itself in a worry if whether Amy Lee is actually as sweet and wonderful as I have built her up to be in my head. Which I think it is not a bad thing to worry about but not necessarily something I run into much. Especially since I tend not to really deal with people enough to worry about who they really are. The other side of that could be something to worry about in the idea that I have labeled someone as a person I don’t like but that was a wrong connection to make given that my ability to judge someone is off or not working. So as I keep writing I definitely am continuing to find more questions which is good but I fear I still won’t have the answers.

I hope this made sense and thank you for your time.