Music Soothes this Savage Mind

I tried to write this post before but I didn’t like it. I think partially I had been trying to change what I was trying to say so I could avoid topics that I didn’t want to cover. I wanted to look at how music effects me and how it can change my mood and the way I think. I was leaving out a part that is both fascinating to me and relevant to my state of mind at times. It is how one particular voice effects me. The voice is Amy Lee’s. Her voice to me is amazing. She is not the best singer in the world but she has a special effect on me. It effects me in three different ways. The first is just as a member of Evanescence. What I mean by that is that some of the music (especially the harder stuff) is just things I turn on when I am wanting to listen to a song that fits my emotional state. There are any number of bands that do this too so this isn’t anything out of the ordinary.

The second part is that she has an ability to put so much emotional undertones behind a song that it can be comforting or it can take me deeper into my mind. I mean that the way she sings with some songs makes me want to take a deeper look at how I feel. The softer times when she sings (no matter the subject) can also spark a bit of creativity in me. This one is a little more interesting because there really is one other artist that does that. Jeff Buckley has the same effect (listen to his cover of “I know it’s over” by the Smiths for an example). I like this one because in a way she is a muse. I can use her music and try and find the underlying emotional context and build ideas from there. This in and of itself is very therapeutic because it helps me try to figure out more about emotions. Not just mine but how others deal with them.

But the last way her voice effects me is the one that I want to explore. I am just going to go over it lightly here so I can figure out what there is to it then I am going to get into it in one of the next posts. When I hear her voice and this time its more than just her singing. When I hear her voice I am comforted in a way that I usually get with being around people I know. I feel more of a since of empathy for her than many other people. I think there is a lot behind that but it is more than I want to cover here. Her meaning to me is something that I think goes beyond music so I am not exactly sure why I titled this like I did. The only thing I could think of right now is that this post has evolved further than I expected. I am beginning to feel a bit more comfortable about talking about the things that go on in my head. Though I still have that fear that it will drive people away I want to continue to work so I thank all of you who are reading these.

And always, thank you for your time

I don’t know what I’m doing

I just realized I’ve been working on a post for most of the day and I can’t even remember why I started it. It was a post on music has effected me over the years. I started on a new part and realized that I was writing shit. I tried to read over the other sections but I really couldn’t pick it back up again. I wanted to try and make a post where I told about my experience with music and how it helped me relax. I guess I just realized that my writing was bad and I was wondering “Why the fuck am I writing this?”. I know there are things that I need to figure out things but this may be a sign that I am forcing it. There are subjects I could cover but really how the fuck do they actually affect anything going on in my head. I got a lot out in the last couple of threads. The oddest thought that has come out as I write this is that I don’t want to waste anyone’s time. Strange since this is supposed to be a blog that helps me work through my own issues. I should know that there are some out there who care since I have seen people enjoying my writing. I guess I didn’t cove all my fears. I guess I’ve still got a few more than I realized.

Thank you for your time and goodnight.