A Step Back to an Odd Dichotomy

I am going to go a little more personal on this one. I’ve been noticing a funny difference in the way my work affects me vs. the way I would think that it would. First a little history that sets the idea. I am a person who truly enjoys things that force me to slow down. What I mean is that I like things that take time. Not all the time but it can very relaxing and can help quite, what I consider to be, my very active mind.

One example of this is something I bought for myself a number of years ago. It is an old style pen set. The kind of pen set that requires you to have a bottle of ink that you have to occasionally dip the pen into. Other than what you have to do while writing, the set up is very helpful since there is so much I have to do to get ready to write. I have an older style leather bound journal and I have recently thought about writing a couple of letters with it so I can get to my “happy place”. I love the idea of slowing down time. The idea of having to take time to do multiple steps. I hope that paints the picture that I want.

So now to work. At my job I put things on shelves. I actually put things on shelves that you might buy. It has more of a process than you might think. Or at least I see more of a process. The idea of finding what you have to put up. The opening of the box. The placing of the items on the shelf. In my mind there is a wonderful process to it.

With that then you would think that I would love my job but I don’t. There are many reasons why I don’t and you would think that many of them would be placated by the idea of a very process heavy job. It isn’t. I think because I am not really able to enjoy the process. The job I have is very time sensitive. I am not able to take the time to revel in the process. I am not one that minds being in a rush. I have had to be many times. I have even been able to revel in a process while being rushed while doing sound. I think the difference here is that I still have many questions to be answered. I have been at this job for 4 months and I still don’t know everything I need to do the job well. And I think that is where it truly lies. If I knew more I might even be able to revel in the process of my job.

I mean I have enough knowledge of sound that the differences and changes in my process are only because each situation is different. I feel good about those times because I know enough to change what I’m doing. Why I can’t stand the changes to my process at my work putting up stock is that they are controlled by the fact that I still don’t know enough. It is more controlled from outside than inside my head. It is controlled from people walking up to me and saying, “You shouldn’t do that like that. Here’s how you should do that.” I am thankful for the help but it does screw up my process. It is also a little annoying especially when someone tells you that you have to come up with your own process. But that is what we sometimes have to put up with isn’t it. And I thank you for staying with me this far. I fear I got a bit rambly and a bit non-cohesive but that seems to be part of my style on these personal things. Thanks for reading.

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A New Type of Funding

As I research a way to get my own ideas to come from my head and into reality, I keep running into the idea of funding. Well I can’t say I keep running into it as it is a constant spectre that reminds me of the difficulty of taking on such life changing ideas. I mean that keep running into the areas where it is the biggest issue. From equipment, to travel, to the cost that I will have to brunt in my own life as the ideas I have are so large and difficult to do against a second job. So I have been looking for a way to fund a couple of my ideas.

My search has brought me to that mecca of public funding, Kickstarter. There is something very right with what Kickstarter (and other websites like it) is trying to do. Bringing people wanting to fund projects that they like with the projects needing funding is not really a new idea but just the ease at which everyday people can do is new. I mean when was the last time that you could help fund a major motion picture.

The wide variety of projects that you find that actually made it to their “fully funded” point shows that there are a lot of people willing to help. And many of those have even gone further than the original asking price. The only problem that I have with Kickstarter is that they are an all or nothing operation. I do think that with at least half of the asking price that someone could find other means of funding. That being said, from the perspective of a person who intends to avail myself of their services, it is a good idea to be able to test an idea before you get too far into it.

What I mean is, I can see how many people would be willing to listen to my idea for a podcast by seeing how many are willing to help finance it. I know that there is a step back as there are some that are willing to listen but not donate. Look at the funding for NPR as a good example. But if you have many people willing to put forth a little money they are also willing to help promote by telling people. I still think that word of mouth is still the best way to promote something at first while you build up your audience. People trust friends and family more than they do advertisers.

I can’t think of much more to say about Kickstarter at this moment and I think that it is better to go and see for yourself. So click here and gain your own opinion. And maybe help out some startup that you think will help change the world for the better. Thank you as always for reading. See you next week. And I will keep you apprised of my try.

My Priorities

I think I’ve got my priorities wrong. I’ve been trying to figure out the wrong things. I have been trying to figure out stuff that really has little to no impact on my life at the moment. I have been spending too much of my time a trying to figure out things that really the only reason I have been stuck on them because I could not for the life of me figure out why I wanted the idea in the first place. I have also been looking at these things as if they did matter only because it makes me look at things from different angles. I am realizing that I have been spending way to much time trying to answer questions that don’t matter. I am letting go of somethings and I am going to try and really change how things are going in my life. How I’ve done things tell now are not working. I am going to change that and I am going to be reworking my priorities soon. I need to work on questions that can be answered and not questions that really don’t have an answer. I need to work on the answers that matter. I need to rethink everything. This was probably a bit confusing and I’m sorry.

Thank you for your time.

When it hits

I am currently in an odd period that has more recently started to crop up. I want to write right now but I am finding it very hard to find a topic that doesn’t sound like shit in my head. I’ve been sitting here for the last hour (before starting this) trying to write a couple of posts but as soon as I started them I lost the concept of what I was trying to write. I am not happy and I want to write about that but I really don’t know how at the moment. I like intellectual discussions and I want to be able to at least look at my own issues intellectually. The problem is that again I keep getting to a point where it sounds incredibly stupid and that it doesn’t sound like I described how I feel very well. It seems to be worse when I am depressed but I really need to figure a way around that issue.

I find it hard to make this next statement because of a fear that the people who read this don’t want to read more blogs about this topic. In someways I do get some enjoyment and it is freeing to write about Amy Lee. The very first post I made about her (Just get it over with) was freeing. It felt good to be able to make a post admitting things that I had kept bottled up. The problem is I still think I am crazy for feeling the way I feel. I think that the fact that I want to have any contact with her is crazy and that it is not something that is helpful. I need to cover more and I need to just get on with it and write about it. I am not really sure why I am so worried about how the people who read this blog think that it is causing me not to be able to write. I think that this wouldn’t be any different if I was sitting in front of a professional or not. I don’t really think that it would be different if I was sitting in front of a complete stranger and there are times where I feel that talking to a complete stranger may be the easiest thing to do. In a way I am doing that with this blog. So I think that I need to just make a post talking about one of the topics that I have wanted to write about and just write it no matter how it sounds. I think this will be one of the most difficult things I am going to have to do but I hope that it makes a change. If I am crazy I may just need to admit it. All this is strange coming from a guy who doesn’t really like people.

Thank you for your time.