A Step Back to an Odd Dichotomy

I am going to go a little more personal on this one. I’ve been noticing a funny difference in the way my work affects me vs. the way I would think that it would. First a little history that sets the idea. I am a person who truly enjoys things that force me to slow down. What I mean is that I like things that take time. Not all the time but it can very relaxing and can help quite, what I consider to be, my very active mind.

One example of this is something I bought for myself a number of years ago. It is an old style pen set. The kind of pen set that requires you to have a bottle of ink that you have to occasionally dip the pen into. Other than what you have to do while writing, the set up is very helpful since there is so much I have to do to get ready to write. I have an older style leather bound journal and I have recently thought about writing a couple of letters with it so I can get to my “happy place”. I love the idea of slowing down time. The idea of having to take time to do multiple steps. I hope that paints the picture that I want.

So now to work. At my job I put things on shelves. I actually put things on shelves that you might buy. It has more of a process than you might think. Or at least I see more of a process. The idea of finding what you have to put up. The opening of the box. The placing of the items on the shelf. In my mind there is a wonderful process to it.

With that then you would think that I would love my job but I don’t. There are many reasons why I don’t and you would think that many of them would be placated by the idea of a very process heavy job. It isn’t. I think because I am not really able to enjoy the process. The job I have is very time sensitive. I am not able to take the time to revel in the process. I am not one that minds being in a rush. I have had to be many times. I have even been able to revel in a process while being rushed while doing sound. I think the difference here is that I still have many questions to be answered. I have been at this job for 4 months and I still don’t know everything I need to do the job well. And I think that is where it truly lies. If I knew more I might even be able to revel in the process of my job.

I mean I have enough knowledge of sound that the differences and changes in my process are only because each situation is different. I feel good about those times because I know enough to change what I’m doing. Why I can’t stand the changes to my process at my work putting up stock is that they are controlled by the fact that I still don’t know enough. It is more controlled from outside than inside my head. It is controlled from people walking up to me and saying, “You shouldn’t do that like that. Here’s how you should do that.” I am thankful for the help but it does screw up my process. It is also a little annoying especially when someone tells you that you have to come up with your own process. But that is what we sometimes have to put up with isn’t it. And I thank you for staying with me this far. I fear I got a bit rambly and a bit non-cohesive but that seems to be part of my style on these personal things. Thanks for reading.

Music Soothes this Savage Mind

I tried to write this post before but I didn’t like it. I think partially I had been trying to change what I was trying to say so I could avoid topics that I didn’t want to cover. I wanted to look at how music effects me and how it can change my mood and the way I think. I was leaving out a part that is both fascinating to me and relevant to my state of mind at times. It is how one particular voice effects me. The voice is Amy Lee’s. Her voice to me is amazing. She is not the best singer in the world but she has a special effect on me. It effects me in three different ways. The first is just as a member of Evanescence. What I mean by that is that some of the music (especially the harder stuff) is just things I turn on when I am wanting to listen to a song that fits my emotional state. There are any number of bands that do this too so this isn’t anything out of the ordinary.

The second part is that she has an ability to put so much emotional undertones behind a song that it can be comforting or it can take me deeper into my mind. I mean that the way she sings with some songs makes me want to take a deeper look at how I feel. The softer times when she sings (no matter the subject) can also spark a bit of creativity in me. This one is a little more interesting because there really is one other artist that does that. Jeff Buckley has the same effect (listen to his cover of “I know it’s over” by the Smiths for an example). I like this one because in a way she is a muse. I can use her music and try and find the underlying emotional context and build ideas from there. This in and of itself is very therapeutic because it helps me try to figure out more about emotions. Not just mine but how others deal with them.

But the last way her voice effects me is the one that I want to explore. I am just going to go over it lightly here so I can figure out what there is to it then I am going to get into it in one of the next posts. When I hear her voice and this time its more than just her singing. When I hear her voice I am comforted in a way that I usually get with being around people I know. I feel more of a since of empathy for her than many other people. I think there is a lot behind that but it is more than I want to cover here. Her meaning to me is something that I think goes beyond music so I am not exactly sure why I titled this like I did. The only thing I could think of right now is that this post has evolved further than I expected. I am beginning to feel a bit more comfortable about talking about the things that go on in my head. Though I still have that fear that it will drive people away I want to continue to work so I thank all of you who are reading these.

And always, thank you for your time