Lack of Sleep & Mind

I find myself writing this after having a couple of interesting weeks. I have not had much time and sadly feel that if I were to try to write something it wouldn’t be up to the standards that I hold myself too. I hate to miss a week then not too long after not to be able to get a big post out. I am going to be able to get some sleep before Friday so I will have my usual post then. I know that if this is ever my job I can not use these things as excuses but I also do believe the situation is different when writing is the main way that I make an income. When writing is my main position then I will be able to concentrate more on the writing and the number of other distractions will be smaller. The biggest distraction that I have right now is my job.

Thank you, as always, for reading. I hope you return on Friday.

A Step Back to an Odd Dichotomy

I am going to go a little more personal on this one. I’ve been noticing a funny difference in the way my work affects me vs. the way I would think that it would. First a little history that sets the idea. I am a person who truly enjoys things that force me to slow down. What I mean is that I like things that take time. Not all the time but it can very relaxing and can help quite, what I consider to be, my very active mind.

One example of this is something I bought for myself a number of years ago. It is an old style pen set. The kind of pen set that requires you to have a bottle of ink that you have to occasionally dip the pen into. Other than what you have to do while writing, the set up is very helpful since there is so much I have to do to get ready to write. I have an older style leather bound journal and I have recently thought about writing a couple of letters with it so I can get to my “happy place”. I love the idea of slowing down time. The idea of having to take time to do multiple steps. I hope that paints the picture that I want.

So now to work. At my job I put things on shelves. I actually put things on shelves that you might buy. It has more of a process than you might think. Or at least I see more of a process. The idea of finding what you have to put up. The opening of the box. The placing of the items on the shelf. In my mind there is a wonderful process to it.

With that then you would think that I would love my job but I don’t. There are many reasons why I don’t and you would think that many of them would be placated by the idea of a very process heavy job. It isn’t. I think because I am not really able to enjoy the process. The job I have is very time sensitive. I am not able to take the time to revel in the process. I am not one that minds being in a rush. I have had to be many times. I have even been able to revel in a process while being rushed while doing sound. I think the difference here is that I still have many questions to be answered. I have been at this job for 4 months and I still don’t know everything I need to do the job well. And I think that is where it truly lies. If I knew more I might even be able to revel in the process of my job.

I mean I have enough knowledge of sound that the differences and changes in my process are only because each situation is different. I feel good about those times because I know enough to change what I’m doing. Why I can’t stand the changes to my process at my work putting up stock is that they are controlled by the fact that I still don’t know enough. It is more controlled from outside than inside my head. It is controlled from people walking up to me and saying, “You shouldn’t do that like that. Here’s how you should do that.” I am thankful for the help but it does screw up my process. It is also a little annoying especially when someone tells you that you have to come up with your own process. But that is what we sometimes have to put up with isn’t it. And I thank you for staying with me this far. I fear I got a bit rambly and a bit non-cohesive but that seems to be part of my style on these personal things. Thanks for reading.

A New Type of Funding

As I research a way to get my own ideas to come from my head and into reality, I keep running into the idea of funding. Well I can’t say I keep running into it as it is a constant spectre that reminds me of the difficulty of taking on such life changing ideas. I mean that keep running into the areas where it is the biggest issue. From equipment, to travel, to the cost that I will have to brunt in my own life as the ideas I have are so large and difficult to do against a second job. So I have been looking for a way to fund a couple of my ideas.

My search has brought me to that mecca of public funding, Kickstarter. There is something very right with what Kickstarter (and other websites like it) is trying to do. Bringing people wanting to fund projects that they like with the projects needing funding is not really a new idea but just the ease at which everyday people can do is new. I mean when was the last time that you could help fund a major motion picture.

The wide variety of projects that you find that actually made it to their “fully funded” point shows that there are a lot of people willing to help. And many of those have even gone further than the original asking price. The only problem that I have with Kickstarter is that they are an all or nothing operation. I do think that with at least half of the asking price that someone could find other means of funding. That being said, from the perspective of a person who intends to avail myself of their services, it is a good idea to be able to test an idea before you get too far into it.

What I mean is, I can see how many people would be willing to listen to my idea for a podcast by seeing how many are willing to help finance it. I know that there is a step back as there are some that are willing to listen but not donate. Look at the funding for NPR as a good example. But if you have many people willing to put forth a little money they are also willing to help promote by telling people. I still think that word of mouth is still the best way to promote something at first while you build up your audience. People trust friends and family more than they do advertisers.

I can’t think of much more to say about Kickstarter at this moment and I think that it is better to go and see for yourself. So click here and gain your own opinion. And maybe help out some startup that you think will help change the world for the better. Thank you as always for reading. See you next week. And I will keep you apprised of my try.

What’s driving you?

After last week I’ve been thinking a little bit more about what drives me. It started because I was thinking about a kind of morbid idea. I was thinking about would I be happy with the life I left behind. I mean that am I anywhere near where I want to be in my life. If it were to end tomorrow would people say that he did a lot with his life. To be honest, no. I am partially where I wanted to be. I have a wife and we are still very much in love. Hell that is a lot further than I thought I would be at this point.

I was one of those guys that thought I would be alone for my life. An odd thing to think of while you are dating someone. But that is another story. Back to my original point there are a lot of things that I want to try and do with my life. I know that’s the rote idea and that there are so many people like that out there. But I am very restless. I am not mentally stimulated by my current job and that kills me. Actually, worded better what it does is severely depresses me. I want to be mentally stimulated by any work I do. But it is at war with what we all want to be able to do.

My want for mental stimulation with work is very much at war with the need to take care of my family. At the moment I am just taking care of my wife but eventually we want to have children so the idea of having to get a job that pays enough to be able to take care of my family is a high priority. But I made it more difficult for myself to do that because I didn’t finish college. I had many issues with the school I was going to so I decided to leave. Again I won’t go into that now but suffice it to say that I have made it a hundred times harder on myself. So now I am driven by the want to satisfy both requirements for me.

Sadly at the moment I am unable to do either. I have a job but it is does not go far enough so I am trying to make my own work. On the mental stimulation idea I compensate for that by listening to podcasts. But these things are not enough and I am wanting so much more out of life. I will create my own work and my own way of things. I am not sure this actually answered my original question for myself but I am really enjoying the direct from my head way of writing these personal things. I am still looking for topics to talk about. Thank you again for reading.

It is difficult

I will make this short and sweet. I am trying to make a post on my feelings about what happened in Boston I have been spending a few days now trying to find the right words and they are not coming. While trying to figure out what to say I do realize that I will probably piss someone off. I am grateful for all the readers that I have and I hope you will give me this extra week. Thank you again.

Things I won’t cover

I’ve been recently thinking more about the types of topics as I search for things to write about. I’ve been seeing things that are being covered in the news that seem to be getting a lot of views. The problem is, while getting views is part of the way to make this a career, I don’t want to just hit topics that are popular. I have a hard time seeing people complaining that something shouldn’t be covered while, in a way, still covering the topic. So I have no plan to put things on here that are about the stupidity of celebrities. There will be celebrities covered on here but they will generally be the ones I respect. I will be critical of them and I will be critical of anyone that I cover on here.

The main thing I find that I want to cover is things that affect everyone. I will never speak for others; I will always try and make it my own opinion. I am not one able to speak for others but I am able to give my perspective. Sadly we have seen tragedy even today. There is something to be said about it and I am sure there will be a lot said about it. I am probably going to write about the aftermath but today I am just sad that we are going through such things. There are lessons to learn from such things but that if for another day. Thank you for reading.

On Language

I think I made a post early on about how I will not edit the language I use on here. I figure as this is the first post of a new era, I should explain why. I think that language and the use of words is a very wonderful thing. I think that it can be used to express very intellectual ideals, but it has also been used to cause some horrible things. Because it can be used to cause problems people want to limit its use. I know that there are also those who like to block words because of what they mean. They do not like curse words because children shouldn’t hear them or the words are offensive to people. I think that limiting language can also limit the positive things we can do with it.

The interesting thing about words is we give them power and meaning. We, as the people who speak them and understand them, give them the meaning they have. The only thing that I have to show that this is true is the ever changing nature of slang words. How many times have you heard parents “complaining” about the fact that they cannot understand what their children are saying. It has become a cultural joke. So words have an ever evolving meaning. What a word means for one generation can change for the next. If you do not like a word don’t change the word change the meaning. Meaning is everything.

Now that I have said that let me get down to my language. I use words for what they mean at this moment. I do not mind taking the time to explain things when I feel that explaining them is key. Some times though I want to “explain” the situation in a sentence or two. Maybe even in a word. I’ve found that there are times where the short, short version is much better. I have been in situations to where I am running around and having to fix so many problems it’s easier to say

We’re fucked

rather than having to go into a long explanation. Most of the people I have to deal with understand that saying something like that means that we are having a bad day and that I can tell you later but right now I need to go to work. Could it have been said more eloquently? Yes. But it wouldn’t have also contained the added emotional context.

The reason I would use that kind of language here is so I can show my emotional state as the writer without you having to see my face. That is the one problem with the written word on sites like this is that you miss the other ways of understanding emotional context. You can get part of it back but it is harder. So to help, I do not censor myself. I say how I fell when I write.