I Just Can’t Feel That

First let me apologize for missing last week. I really have no good reason and will not try to make up an excuse. I don’t plan on trying to make up for those times. It will just be a missed week. But of course that is not what I intend to talk about today. Last week while I was finding it hard to write something happened that is both upsetting and a relief at the same time. My uncle, who has been suffering from the affects of cancer, finally succumbed. From what I understand our family had expected a little more time to be able to say all that needed to be said before he finally passed.

What I am finding is that I am not sad about it. I don’t just mean that I am not sad because I feel that it is a better thing to happen. He was suffering greatly and that from the stories that I have been told he was in great pain. All his searching for help came up with just finding a way to prolong the search for a treatment. He was fighting hard and it sadly was a loosing battle in the end.

As said before I am not sad about this. I am truthful when I say that I am in many ways happy that it has happened. I am happy because to watch, in the few times that I have been able to observe, what his cancer has been doing to him and ask for more time to be with him seems the ultimate kind of arrogance to me. Asking him to continue to live in pain while I find comfort in the idea of his death is wrong to me. I am happy because he no longer suffers. I feel at this moment I should say that I have never felt that anyone in my family ever wanted him to suffer for their own emotional needs and none of their actions say that they have. This is just part of a larger conversation in my head. We all wished for him to be able find a way to end his pain.

But of course the truth is that the feelings I have felt about this have been fleeting. I have gotten over this very quickly. And for that I am just a little bit sad. I wish I could feel more emotions for this but I can’t. I don’t know why I can’t and I have been trying to figure out why since I realized that I didn’t have the A typical emotional response about death.  The only thing I feel is anger but this has nothing to do with that sad event. I have been trying to deal with a lot of anger recently and maybe when I figure out what is causing the anger I can understand the other things.

I would like to thank you for reading this. This one is definitely a more personal post and I hope to get onto other topics soon.

 

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For Everyone or No One

I am about to touch on a subject that is part of what I’ve heard called “the third rail of blogging”. I guess any social issue is a kind of third rail but this one is pretty bad, apparently. So, here goes. I’ve been watching the “debate” over same sex marriage. I know the reasons why people don’t want it but I have never understood those reasons. I’ve never really understood the Christian argument against same sex marriage. Especially given the other ideals that they say is part of their religion. Of course I can never understand anyone that tries to deny someone the basic human right to be happy in their life.

Since I am not a religious scholar I will not go into that. I may one day try and explain my understanding of the argument. It will be based on my conversations with Christians but on this post I am going to explain my own feelings on same sex marriage. Simply put I do not care. Well I don’t care who someone wants to marry. I do care that it is currently illegal in many states for someone to make that decision for themselves. There is no good reason to tell anyone that they cann’t avail themselves of government programs for married people.

There is one religious saying that I can see using as a life rule. It is the Wiccan Rede. “And it harm none, do what thou wilt”. While I don’t believe in any of the aspects of Wicca, I can at least see saying being a good way to think of the whole argument. I have no will to take anybodies ability to make a decision from them unless it enters the public sphere. Only when it enters the public sphere can we begin to discuss what is allowed. And in my opinion there is a very small list of things that I think should be illegal.

Who someone loves or has sex with doesn’t, except in very rare occasions, enter the public sphere. Someone marrying someone also doesn’t enter the public sphere. Since it doesn’t enter that sphere I have no reason to know about it nor do I have any reason why it should affect my life. This was a bit of a disjointed opinion but it is hard to go into greater detail on the opinion of “it doesn’t effect me so I don’t care”.

I’ve heard a quote that sums this up well. It is a quote from Michael Goudeau, from Penn’s Sunday School. And a number of other projects.

There’s nothing more interesting to me than my sex life but there’s really nothing less interesting to me than yours.

I may have gotten that wrong but what I am trying to say is that I will never why people care enough to keep it from happening.