What’s driving you?

After last week I’ve been thinking a little bit more about what drives me. It started because I was thinking about a kind of morbid idea. I was thinking about would I be happy with the life I left behind. I mean that am I anywhere near where I want to be in my life. If it were to end tomorrow would people say that he did a lot with his life. To be honest, no. I am partially where I wanted to be. I have a wife and we are still very much in love. Hell that is a lot further than I thought I would be at this point.

I was one of those guys that thought I would be alone for my life. An odd thing to think of while you are dating someone. But that is another story. Back to my original point there are a lot of things that I want to try and do with my life. I know that’s the rote idea and that there are so many people like that out there. But I am very restless. I am not mentally stimulated by my current job and that kills me. Actually, worded better what it does is severely depresses me. I want to be mentally stimulated by any work I do. But it is at war with what we all want to be able to do.

My want for mental stimulation with work is very much at war with the need to take care of my family. At the moment I am just taking care of my wife but eventually we want to have children so the idea of having to get a job that pays enough to be able to take care of my family is a high priority. But I made it more difficult for myself to do that because I didn’t finish college. I had many issues with the school I was going to so I decided to leave. Again I won’t go into that now but suffice it to say that I have made it a hundred times harder on myself. So now I am driven by the want to satisfy both requirements for me.

Sadly at the moment I am unable to do either. I have a job but it is does not go far enough so I am trying to make my own work. On the mental stimulation idea I compensate for that by listening to podcasts. But these things are not enough and I am wanting so much more out of life. I will create my own work and my own way of things. I am not sure this actually answered my original question for myself but I am really enjoying the direct from my head way of writing these personal things. I am still looking for topics to talk about. Thank you again for reading.

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2 Comments

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