Is it wrong

Is it wrong that I still want to have a friendship with Amy Lee? I am feeling down right now and that question is popping into my head. I am fascinated by her and I want to know her. I don’t give a shit about the music or why she wrote certain songs. I care about what is in her mind. I want to get to know the whole person not just the musician. I never really know how to explain myself especially at these times. I don’t really think that being able to have any contact with her will change the frequency and longevity of my depressive states so I am not even sure what it is that I really what I expect having a friend like her to do. She seems intelligent and I think there is a hell of a lot more than we are allowed to see. It maybe that I just want to know that we as humans are deeper than the little things. I don’t really think I am of value and I have to be reminded that I am of value to my family and friend. She is a fixation, I think, because she is foreign to me but seems to be very similar in someways. I am never sure and I war with myself constantly over this idea but I do believe that you can tell what’s deeper in a person’s mind. When I look at photos of her I get the idea that she has a lot of mentalities like I do. Even as I write this, this just still seems like sentimental unavailable bullshit that I am using to get me through these tougher times. The way I see it has changed some but it is still there and it won’t go away. Sometimes I don’t want it to. These periods are getting more frequent and sometimes harder to deal with. I don’t know why but I find the idea something that will never happen comforting. If she ever were to read this blog she would never want to talk to me and frankly I can’t blame her. Could anyone? This was just a spur of the moment post so I thank you for reading it. I thank anyone who reads my ramblings. I hope in some small way it helps others to know that they are not alone though even I feel that way a lot.

Thank you for your time.


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