Just get it over with

I keep coming back to the idea that you can’t get better if you don’t get things out so as much as this may hurt it needs to be said. I think there is something to the ideas that people look for someone who either understand what they are going through or someone they can at least feel comfortable. I don’t like people very much and don’t get those kind of feelings with many people. Really there are only two people in my life that I feel comfortable with and feel like I can be myself around. I can be social when I have to be but for the most part I rather prefer being home or at my friends place. I don’t make friends much and I’m only trying to explain a little more of myself that helps you understand this next bit.

I’ve wanted to have a personal relationship with Amy Lee. Much of the music I’ve heard from her does seem to fit many of my own feelings or at least its comforting and calming to me. That really isn’t anything to worry about but I want to be able to pick her brain. She is fascinating to me. I have to admit that at some of my lowest points a few years ago I was brought through it by thinking about the possibility of trying to have a personal relationship with her. I was in love with her but I was not sure how to ever contact her. I think that was more of the idea that if something like that is going to happen in the future then I have to make sure that I survive so I can get to the future. I’ve realized since then that something like that can’t really happen.

Though I know that I can never have any kind of connection with her I will say that she still fascinates me. I really don’t know why she fascinates me so much. I love some of the music she writes by that, I don’t think, effects that since I know that my interpretation of the songs are not what she originally wrote them to mean. I think their is a deeper person that I want to know. I have to admit that I do want to get to know her but I understand that it won’t happen. I mean especially now. Would you ever want to talk to someone who has confessed to having feelings for you and they don’t even know you. Though as I look at some of the other fans of celebrities that are out there I am very comforted by the fact that I am by far not the worst. But I will say that many may just be in need of help and that they have found something that helps them get through their rough times. I just hope that they can at some point realize what is going. Its not easy so I also hope they have friends to help them.

Goodnight and thank you for your time.

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