A question and a change of dates.

As I think about this blog I can’t really bring myself to only post here on one day week. With the new concept I am just going to write and post when I feel I need to or want to. So what I am saying is that if you want to read these, what ever the hell you want to call them, I would check back often.

Now onto what got me wanting to write tonight.

I have been questioning the difference between dreams and fantasies. I don’t really think there is a difference. I mean both really aren’t attainable, at least the way I see it. I have dreamed and I have had fantasies and neither seem to be anything more than unattainable ideas that just get me through the lowest points. There is a bit of cognitive dissonance in the fact that I know they are unattainable but yet I keep them to help get me through the worst points. There not the only things that I have. I do have the most important woman in my life and if I were to give in then I don’t know what would happen to her. I would say also that what it would do to my parents and my sister but I would be lying. I am not saying that I don’t love them and that they don’t mean anything to me. On the contrary the fact that I love them and them mean so much to me is why at times I have thought of ending the burden that I cause them. I have heard them many times tell me that I do not cause them any burden but it still doesn’t register well. I still think that without my issues there life would be vastly different. So there is definitely a battle going on in my mind and I am not even sure which side is winning. I am not terrible comfortable yet with going into deeper details about what my “fantasies” or “dreams” are but I may become more comfortable with the idea of admitting them on a public forum like this. I think I want to stop here.
Goodnight and Thank you for your time.


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